Please upgrade your Flash Player
HOW TO MURDER A CHINESE
- Make dishes called Chop-Suey and Foo Yung.
Nobody eats "Chop-Suey" in China and the Chinese don't call their omelettes "Foo Yung".
- Use long, fancy words in your menu.
We don't need elaborate words to lure diners.
- Put untrained farmers in the kitchen.
All our chefs are classically trained.
- Have a menu as long as the Great Wall.
We only need a concise list of the finest dishes.
- Treat Chinese food like Western food and divide it into three courses.
We don't have starters per se as domesticity dictates that the cook should always eat with the family.
- Serve food as one big dish.
It's not a myth that the Chinese are practised in the art of eating 12 to 14 courses.
- Serve food piled together.
Serving food dish by dish is preferable to piling everything together, some foods don't really mix with others.
- Serve tepid, lukewarm food.
Separate dishes also allow for food to be eaten hot. Being hot is an essential ingredient of eating Chinese food.
We have a term for dishes hot from the stove: "The Wok Spirit".
- Serve rice on a plate.
Rice should always be eaten from a bowl, either using chopsticks or a porcelain Chinese spoon.
- Use badly translated menus.
There's no excuse for things like "Slippery Chicken in Mushroom Gruel" to appear on the menu!